Wow!!! Now I know what all the buzz is about! In the newspapers, on TV-- everywhere people are talking about creepy sexual encounters on MySpace. Dude, it was WAY cooler than I ever could have imagined! The experience can only be accurately described with plentiful emoticons... :-) :-D 8 ) ;-) :-0
I had assumed that, being of consenting age, most sexual predators wouldn't be interested in me. Surely being a 23-year-old male prevents me from being desired by internet prowlers. But, thank goodness, that is not the case! On Friday, November 9, at roughly 4:55 Pacific Standard Time, I received a friend request. But this was no ordinary friend request, this was from Margo.
Ladies and/or gentlemen, MyHeart strings have been pulled. I can feel the butterflies fluttering in MyStomach each and every time that beautiful word rolls across my tongue and off MyLips... Margo! I think I'm in love. No-- I know I'm in love. I haven't felt this emotionally vulnerable since Apollo Creed died in Rocky IV.
(you will be forever missed, sweet Apollo).
Oh, and I forgot the best part! She's a hooker! I have always wanted a woman who was also an empowered professional, discontent with settling for the common life of a housewife. And I've never dated a hooker before-- heck, I couldn't afford it! Sure, she might be a porn star, but that's even better! I always wanted to date a girl in show biz!
How can I tell that she's a hooker? Good question. Well, let's take a look at all the obvious signs. First, this friend request was totally random: I have never seen nor heard of this woman in MyLife. Now, I know what you're thinking, and yes, of course-- it is not a random occurrence (for me at least) to have random women randomly throwing themselves at me. I realize I have a basic animal magnetism that makes me irresistible to members of both sexes, and even to some nonhuman species. But I've come to terms with that.
I also realize it isn't completely out of the ordinary for women to approach men, even if it is on the internet. Some of MyDedicated female readers may have even done the same thing at one point in their lives. Well, what screamed 'hooker' into MyEar was the fact that she randomly approached me, via the internet, with a picture of herself wearing a little red number that looked like it was on the clearance rack at Frederick's of Hollywood. Ladies and gentlemen, that is class: "hey I don't know you! Here's a picture of me naked!"
Next, consider her profile. It reads as such:
...Unlike most girls I don't have a legion of girlfriends who I consult every minor decision with. I just like things "one on one", especially with guys (if you get my drift :) When I'm not studying I like to cut loose and exhibit my "wild side". I like to get naked alone and around others. If you like what you see and you want more info and more pics of me you can find all that stuff on this site:
No, I didn't visit the site. Not that I have any self-control, it's just that my browser froze when I clicked on it. I'll try again sometime. Perserverance is the key. Love is patient, as the Bible says.
She sent me a message, a love letter if you will. And that little diddy goes a-something like this:
hey how r ya ? nice pic you got there and ur profile rawks! NEway, im looking for cool people to talk to and i noticed ur from my area so we obviously need to be friends :) holla back
I know what you're thinking... and yes, I do happen to have a nice picture. After all, every picture of me is nice. And I do, of course, realize that MyProfile does, in fact, 'rawk.' And if she is looking for cool people, then she is certainly in the right place.
But, and I might be wrong, I'm pretty sure that exact same message has been sent to each of her 111 MySpace friends. That reminds me, and this brings us to perhaps the most damning evidence as to why the lovely Margo's self-proclaimed "wild side" most definately includes having sex with strangers for money. Every single one of her 111 MySpace friends is a dude, including this guy:
(Is that a mustache or did his nose take a crap on his lip?)
She has not one female roommate, friend, family member, neighbor, classmate... not a single female acquaintance. What are the odds? That doesn't strike me as mere coincidence.
I did, however, "holla back" in response to her message. MyResponse was:
Dear Margo,
MyName is Joby. I am not a hooker. Are you?
With Unfettering Love Until the End of Time,
Joby
I can't wait to hear her (or his) response. For anyone who reads this, I'd love to hear your answer to this question...
Margo is:
a) a hooker.
b) a man
c) both
I did accept her as MyFriend. For this action, someone by the name of Megan may or may not be very very angry at me. Margo, if you read this (assuming that you can, in fact, read), I do not know this Megan person. I have never met her before, and if she says anything different, if she tries to say that we are dating, then she is lying. Megan, if you read this, I am sorry and I will call you later.
Even if this love was not meant to be, I know Margo will give me the platonic companionship that everyone so greatly desires. After all, we have formed the unbreakable bond of MySpace friends. Margo is MyNew BFF.
Truthfully, I accepted Margo as MyFriend so all of you might see her, to know her beauty; to know of this gorgeous woman of which I speak so highly. MyNew love: Margo!
